Feels like I am sitting on a thousand pounds... Money? I wish! but no, it is my ever expanding rear. It seems it was just yesterday that I was this pretty (ahem!!!, almost true), petite (definitely true) lass and today I am a big lump of shapeless dough. Well, not really
shapeless but I do look a little like the miniature, darker version of the pigs in UK walking on their hind legs! You may think I am exaggerating but there are some people urging me to belive that a hippo would be a closer, much better example for comparison. I like to think it is because of my colour...
Given my situation it is natural that I should get showered by advice by people who are experts in this matter. My husband for one. He has been trying very diligently to help me. Apart from pointing out to me that all furniture in the house is still standing, he makes sure that I am on a balanced diet of well-meaning fat people jokes, hope of joyful separation on the grounds of obesity and reminders of how glad his mother was to see me with a few extra pounds during the last visit! God bless him for motivating me but what bothers me more than my extra pounds is this - He seems to be losing weight just by trying to get me to lose some (and then some more). But I have asked people around and they seem to think that he is as "healthy" as ever and I am satisfied, for the moment.
My kid sister is a volcano of advices. She spews out ideas like hot lava. What you have to know here is that she thinks like the chihuahua carried around by Paris Hilton, or was it some other hot socialite? Who cares? Anyway the point is, her ideas are fashion oriented, high society, celebrity kind of routines where you eat two almonds for breakfast, two lettuce leaves for lunch and one raisin for dinner and drive 70 miles in an AC car for a jog down the mountain trail complete with shades and IPod. As mouth-watering as this idea is, I chose to ignore it because one raisin is too heavy a dinner for me!
Another source is my Mother-in-law. Hers is a package deal that includes tested and tried methods of lightening skin colour, improving body posture and weight loss programs complete with success stories (of her). Also, friends and well-wishers pitch in with their two bits every now and then. You may think with so many people on my case, my problems are as good as solved.
Yes, that is what I would like to believe too. I am keeping my fingers crossed and my brains untangled to receive more weighty inputs. Phew!!! I have been meaning to write this for so long, now with this off my mind, I already feel like I have lost some weight! Should think of writing more...
hi fatso!.....that felt real good, i mean stiffling that giggle was hurting my facial muscles you know. Nice to know you aren't gravity-deficient and that you're grounded in reality of pigs being able to fly if only...sigh!
ReplyDeleteForget about the "self rear-jeer," and the assorted free advicical titbits, do you realize what a humorous piece you've written?
Hahaha.... :D This was hilarious, I must say....
ReplyDeleteThe smile that loomed on my face lasted till the very end and continued until after the usual time.
Someone who thinks your over-weight, give them two hoots.... And what's with the lightening of skin color?? I hope I've read it right.... If you need to lighten your skin color, we would have to paint ourselves white.... or a skin transplant (if there is anything like that) perhaps.... ;)
All in all, this piece was a complete entertainer... :)